Target practice

Both TD and her brother are keen archers.  Our son has been involved with the ancient sport for the last four years, and TD's high school offers it as an extra mural, so she has been doing it for almost two years.  Often they enthuse to us about the art,  and so last weekend all four of us signed up for the afternoon practice at the Cape Town archery centre.  As Andrew and I were complete novices, we were placed in the group that needed to know everything (including for me, which way up the bow went!).  The other two were put in the group that shot at 20m and didn't need the constant supervision we did.

We are bitten.  It was such an extraordinary experience, and I enjoyed every minute of the two hour lesson.  It turns out Andrew is a bit of a natural, often hitting the yellow centre of the target - and this surprised me because his darts skills are, shall we say, a bit challenged.  I managed to miss the entire target once, landed  arrows on the outer rims a few times and, once I had figured out the skill of the correct posture, managed a few golds. Not bad for a fifty something novice (OK, it was only from 10m, but I was proud of my efforts!)

So if you are looking for something rather unusual to try, I would recommend archery!  Things I will bear in mind next time I go are that it is good to have a firm grasp of the basics - how to hold the bow (they are large - person height!), how to support the arrow in the nock correctly, how quickly to release the arrow once you have aimed.  That sort of thing.  You also need to take into account the surroundings - how many people are aiming at the same butt, the wind, sunlight in eyes,  and finally, especially for me, I need to find my confidence.  And to forgive myself for the occasional complete miss, and to keep trying.  Like all sports, I am sure practice is the key to good results....

...Not unlike diabetes care.  The target that is aimed at is optimum health, and the method is similar: have a firm grasp of the basics - knowledge up on the glucose/insulin relationship, know how best to support TD with all she is dealing with, know when to let go.  And take into account the whole picture - what's blinding us or sending us off direction and make sure we are all on the same page.  And then have the confidence to know that I am doing the very best that I am able to at any particular time.  Things go wrong, target levels are missed, and that's ok.  Keep trying and never give up.

 Aiming at a target is a good idea.  The concentration and focus archery instills, and the discipline it requires are excellent life skills.  Whatever the target is - life balance, happiness, health - the more you practise the easier it becomes.

Marketing magic

TD is a dedicated Harry Potter fan.  She has been "sorted" into the correct house for her personality, (Hufflepuff), and knows her Patronus (animal-spirit) thanks to the online quizzes available to help with these things.  Obviously, she has read all the books, seen the movies and follows the actors' careers.  Emma Watson holds a special place in her heart for her views on feminism.

So it goes without saying that when we were in the UK,  TD was keen to immerse herself in Potterish paraphernalia and places. One can book a tour designed to delight fans by taking them to the set, the Great Hall, Dumbledore's office, Diagon Alley and much much more.  Knowing the market well, the organisers of these tours charge an arm and a leg per person and effectively magic away many pounds from your wallet.  So we decided to do it the DIY way.

Platform 9 and three quarters is a piece of wall cordoned off at Kings Cross Railway station.  There was a long queue of young wizards and muggles waiting to have their photos taken at this particular piece of wall.  We offered to wait for TD if she wanted to join the queue, but she was happy to have her photo taken on the outer side of the cordon and use her time more wisely in the Harry Potter shop situated next door.  We wandered around, examined the expensive merchandise and marvelled at the power of marketing.

On another day we made the pilgrimage to the Oxford Street Primark.  There was a treasure trove of affordable  goodies, and TD splashed out with her carefully hoarded savings.

While I was in Cape Town, the travellers did a road trip to Scotland and stopped at the Harry Potter Bridge.  (Well, in real life it is the Glenfinnan Viaduct near Fort William.)  Andrew, weaving magic of the real kind, had looked up the train timetable, and timed their visit so that they could see the train crossing over the viaduct.  TD was most chuffed.

 I rejoined my family in Cambridge, and that for me  was like entering a magic world.  We were lucky enough to be allowed into Trinity (our son's college) and the magnificent dining hall outranks any film set Hogwarts hall.  Academics, with their gowns flowing behind them, briskly walking on cobbled streets, magically sends one's imagination into another world.  And yet, it is real.  This is how the students at Cambridge live - in a town with ancient, magnificent buildings, narrow cobbled streets, magical book shops and plenty of muggles taking photographs.

Marketing magic is a profitable business.  Every now and then an email pops in my inbox offering a cure for diabetes T1.  These range from ActoBio's cheese producing bacteria to extreme diets to social activities to acupuncture, and they all need elements of magic to work.  Mostly people look at ways of managing the sugar/insulin see saw, and the diet option, acupuncture, social activities are very important for keeping numbers level, but a cure?  Big pharmaceuticals are pouring money in to research.  The same companies that make millions from selling life sustaining insulin are hoping to offer a medicinal cure. There is obviously a mind boggling amount of profit to be made.  So while we wait for science to find a way to kick-start a pancreas into making insulin, I will save my magic for the worlds of Harry Potter and Cambridge, whilst still keeping an open mind about a cure for diabetes.
  

Harry Potter's author, JK Rowling, says it most eloquently: " We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better."

Grief and loss

Some sadness is overwhelming.  TD's beloved grandmother - my Mom- died on 6 July.  It has always been hard for me to imagine a world in which she does not exist, and now that time has come.  The image that swirls in my head is one of interlocking circles - never-ending patterns of love, life and eternity.  And like a Boolean set, there are areas of overlap.  If I close my eyes tightly these circles twist and gently sway and, like a wave rolling to the shore followed by a never ending supply of new water, the image gives me some peace and calm.

We were overseas when my mom died. We were there to  have a holiday and to celebrate our son's graduation.  Everything about the last month has been extreme - depths of sadness, immense joy, complete disorientation and a bit surreal .  The weather in the UK was very hot - a symbol, I think of the extreme vitality part of the last month.  Cape Town has been cold and wet - matching the sombre, sad happenings here at home.  Extreme summer and extreme winter to accompany my extreme feelings.

People have been so kind to me.  Chats, messages, meals, flowers, lifts to and from the airport and offers of any other help, have all eased the sense of loneliness that accompanies loss.  I don't think the enormity of that loss has fully hit home yet - there has been too much to deal with for me to allow myself to relax into grief (as strange as that sounds).

 I flew home mid holiday to be with my family.  TD, Andrew and our son carried on with the road trip around Scotland.  They had many adventures, and it was good for TD to know that her diabetes can be a happy international traveller and not restrict her life.  I missed them all, but managed to return in time for the graduation. 

I have been thinking about the gifts of being mothered and mothering.  Both are experiences that define me.  It was hard to write an eulogy for my own mother - how do you condense 84 years into two pages.  I tried to find the essence of my mother, but that proved a difficult task.  Here are some extracts from my thoughts:

Our mother was a teacher.  Being an extra bright, extra studious child, she  finished school when she was just 16 and by age 18 she had qualified and started teaching.  And it has been a life long vocation for her - she has taught in a variety of schools in Cape Town, had a year supply teaching in London in her youth, and after retirement has continued to be a teacher to all who encounter her.  She has taught us so much – about compassion, resilience and gentleness.  Her life has been an example to us all.

If one word could sum up a person, I would use the word “Family” for our mom.  We – her four children and our partners, her 10 grandchildren her beloved husband – were the focus of her love and energy.  She would cart us from extra mural to extra mural, cook a home cooked meal every night and a roast on Sundays, take us to far flung libraries when we had out read the little library in our community and take us round all the museums in the holidays.  This on top of a full time career.  Special occasions, like birthdays, were celebrated with adventurous parties, lots of food and friends all gathering.  I am sure that any of you who have been to a family birthday will understand and appreciate what a musical family we are – our rendition of Happy Birthday is famous in the neighbourhood and mom loved the togetherness that our quirky traditions brought.

She not only taught us about the importance of family and togetherness, she also taught us about community.  Mom loved people.  She loved their stories and cared about their well being.  Many an hour was spent on the phone catching up with friends and mom went out of her way to make people feel included.  Many of you here will have been touched by her kindness and concern.  Many of you would have been given packets of shortbread made by mom as a practical, tangible expression of her love for you.

Needless to say, Mom had many friends.  Good friends who cared equally about her.  Whilst still teaching she joined a study group, then a book club, a group of people who knit clothing for sick babies.  She taught Sunday school.  She served at the Coffee shop.  Until a few years ago she walked with companions along the river, swapping the newspaper crossword puzzle answers, catching up on TV serials.  She was always surrounded by people.   You all meant a lot to her.  Thank you.

Mom taught us about how important it is to take time off.  Our family holidays at McLeary Cottage in Sedgefield will probably hold the strongest, happiest memories of messy family life.  We had idyllic childhood days on the beach, in and on the lagoon, eating wafer thin cheese and tomato sandwiches, walking over the hill and to Willempies café . Mom had a particular spot on the stoep and a particular Morris chair that I think of as her Happy Place and where I choose to remember her.  I can imagine her there right now, smiling and reading and listening to the birds and enjoying the peaceful moment.

Mom taught us about resilience.  She had struggled with health issues these past few years, but she showed a determination that was resolute and absolute.  She was determined to walk again, be mobile, cook, read, speak and live her life to the fullest possible.  She pushed herself and regained strength and mobility after very challenging circumstances.

And I think if she were here she would tell us she hasn’t finished teaching us.  There is still a lot to learn from her.  Patience, kindness, tolerance and love were her watch words.  We may have to be her hands and voice, we may have to listen harder to catch her enthusiasm, but the kindness she has spread has rippled out and will not end. 

So Mom still is a teacher.  Even in this heartbreakingly sad time - there is something she would want us to do for her.  She would want us to be happy.  We are going to try our best.

So I sit among my memories, surrounded by circles of cohesion and insufficient words, realizing that I don't have to imagine  a world without my mom, because people don't disappear or fade from being, unless you let them.

Mindfulness

TD's mid year exams are over!  As with any stressful period, the adrenalin was free flowing and the glucose numbers soared.  And if the exams were stressful, getting the results back  seemed to cause even greater anxiety.  I am inclined to take the long view about examinations - results are only useful in a context.  And that context is both the collective average of all participants and individual circumstances of each person.  TD was delighted with some results, and disappointed with others.  So, a good mix - some encouragement and some challenges. Considering that the symptoms of hyperglycemia are tiredness, poor concentration and blurred vision, and considering TD spent the entire exam period with elevated glucose levels, I think she did fine.  All the studying in the world is rendered less effective if you cannot concentrate. She worked hard, and I am proud of her.

There are a couple of weeks left before the end of term.  Classes have resumed as usual, with a few extras thrown in.  Today the grade 9s were spoken to by a survivor of the Holocaust and tomorrow the class will take the train into town to see the Holocaust museum.  It is a subject that has absorbed TD's attention and interest; so much so, that she forgot to inject her insulin for lunch.  She remembered to test, but - and she does not do this very often - she simply ate without injecting.  I am not sure if it was because her mind was waging war against the horrors of prejudice, or if she is so used to having diabetes that she just went with the flow of eating forgetting the crucial insulin, or if she has too much on the go.  It doesn't really matter - she just forgot.  Her number shot up so high that she had to sit out of sport after school.  And she is still running high.

Mindfulness - being present in the moment- is a necessary skill for anyone with diabetes.  There is a lot of self care that needs to happen.  TD needs to always be aware of what her body is telling her .  When she is low she has what she calls her "stomach feeling."  When she is low, she shakes.  Going high is more difficult for her to be mindful of, and so she has to practice the art of remembering.  She has to be extra mindful of what she eats and the effects of sport and extreme emotions.  Our pancreases do the job of balancing our sugars and insulin.  TD's pancreas no longer does that for her, and so she  needs her  thoughts and memory to compensate.  She is an excellent student of the Self.

Mindfulness is a necessary skill for all of us, and I think it is a life long project.  It is so easy to slip into yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's worries that often we miss the satisfaction of the present. (I love that the word is made up of two Latin words - "Satis" meaning "Enough" and "facere" meaning "to make.") And Enough is all anyone needs.

We are looking forward to the mid year school holidays - we anticipate huge adventures, a lot of laughter and many memory-making moments.  But more about that later....

In the meantime, I wish you all a Satisfactory Now!

Mindfulness on our favourite beach

The force for good

We have had a charming house guest these past few days - one of those people who simply fits in and scatters calmness and compassion.  He is vastly knowledgeable in a wide variety of fields and a born story-teller.  One of his work lines is acting.  A few years ago he played Alfred Nobel in a short piece on the Smithsonian channel.  He looks the part!

Alfred Nobel

Alfred Nobel started his world famous prize to recognise people who add to the collective goodness in the world – those who become a force for good. He did this because his death was greatly exaggerated; so much so that he got to read his own obituary on the front page of the newspaper, and the heading called him the “Merchant of Death.”  (his brother had died, but the papers had got the wrong information.)  He was so horrified that this perception of him would be his lasting legacy that he set about using his huge wealth to create good.

Nobel prize winners are all great and famous, and all have been chosen for their good work in creating a better world – through peace, science, medicine, literature.  Not everyone who helps create peace and a better world gets international recognition though.  Some people don’t even get a nod of encouragement, and I wonder if they even know how important they are,  because every act of kindness creates ripples of goodwill that are far reaching and essential to world cohesion.  Seemingly small acts can breathe life into a difficult day. 

The kind whatsapp messages checking up on us, the people who bring beautiful flowers, the people who listen and hear us, the people who phone and chat, everyone who reminds us that community is strength and peace is a group project – thank you.

I have always been over awed by the butterfly effect: The saying goes that when a butterfly flaps its wings in some part of the world, it influences the greater events on the opposite side of the world.  It is used as a metaphor that a small change in one state determines larger changes in other spheres.  Small acts of kindness influence the whole world.  Never underestimate the power of good.

If you would like to see the clip about Alfred Nobel (it's under four minutes in length and very interesting!) here is a link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz_c4j8NcDI   or type Smithsonian Institute Alfred Nobel into Google.

Maintenance

It is gutter cleaning time!  We have been promised rain next week , and I intend to be ready.  TD had been invited to a weekend away party - much excitement for her, and as usual, a little trepidation for me. We dropped her off at the brave parents' home and had the morning to ourselves.  What better way to spend it than cleaning the gutters!  I am not particularly comfortable up a ladder, but the view from up there is worth the angst.  I felt - um - elevated. And it cleared my head to think about things.  Firstly, sometimes we need to rise above some situations to take a better look at them. From the top of the ladder I could see which gutters were full of leaves and needed to be cleared and which were clean.  And taking a top down look at this weekend  party I could see that my anxiety at TD spending the night far away is just that - MY anxiety.  She is 15, and adulthood is just around the corner.  She is confident about managing her diabetes, and I need to allow her to enjoy her independence. (Although my angst is not unfounded, and I need to cut myself some slack too.)

The second thing I learnt up on my ladder that sometimes we do become overconfident and that can be dangerous too.  I thought that while I was up there I might as well cut off some overhanging branches.  They were just out of reach, so forgetting I was on a ladder, I leant across to grab the offending branch, and felt the ladder wobble sideways.  No harm done - I managed to regain my balance and steady the ladder, but I did realise I had reached too far.  I could have fallen off, and it would have hurt.  Similarly, diabetes needs constant vigilance.  It is not a disease that allows you to forget where you are or to over reach the limits of the support system.  Falling is dangerous and life threatening.  Even if no one is holding the ladder (us for TD's diabetes at the moment) it is important that she explores

her independence safely.

Thirdly, it was oddly satisfying cleaning those gutters and knowing we would be prepared for the winter rains (please please let it be a good wet winter to fill up the dams.)  Routine maintenance is important - whether it is looking after yourself, or making sure that you are ready to face whatever is coming next.  It is worth taking the time to clean the dirt away and start the season with debris free support systems.

Fourthly, I learnt that from above it is easier to see what other chores need to be done - wood work that needs revarnishing, a bench that needs fixing, a bush that needs trimming and a path needs sweeping.  It is good to get different perspectives of how things are doing and what needs to be done next.  It will be good to chat to TD about what we can do next to help her tweak her diabetes management to make life easier for her.

I am looking forward to hearing all about her adventures when she gets home this afternoon.  I am sure she will bubble in in a cloud of excitement and enthusiasm, as usual.   I just have a few hours left to tackle some more of the jobs I saw needed doing yesterday.   But first, it is time for tea.

Word power

My last post disappeared.  I think I pressed the wrong button and saved a blank screen.  That feels a bit like my life at the moment.  My efforts often get lost through my ignorance or lack of understanding of how things work.  I had been writing about writing - why I felt the need to start a blog.  My aims had been to unclog my thoughts and connect with other people.  I haven't managed to achieve either of these two things yet.  Some of the lack of unclogging has been my reticence to be messy - I am more than a little wary of spilling too much angst in public.  So I have deleted draft posts about my silent tears when TD's glucose was 2.6 and the shiver of terror I felt, and I deleted the post about the month of 2am glucose tests that were very necessary to keep her safe.  Facing diabetes as a parent is scary and exhausting and ever present.  It changes family dynamics, redefines life goals, stretches the limits of trust and generally makes one more aware of the simplest things - like how foods, sleep, exercise, emotions all weave a complex web in our lives.

I find it frustrating when well meaning people offer glib and simplistic advice on a subject they know nothing or little about.  I know they all mean well.  I try to smile through it and take the good (that they are interested and concerned.)  I even try to tell them a little bit about what it is like to parent a T1 child.  Sometimes though the comments that say " Oh well, type 1 , type 2 same thing"  or "she'll outgrow it" or " does she still have to test and inject?" or "but she is so skinny" make me feel more isolated.  I am getting better at laughing off ignorance - there is so much I don't know, I can hardly be critical of others.  It has made me more sensitive in my own language use though - I try not to presume other people's feelings and ask rather than express an opinion.  So that's good!

So my "blank screen" is slowly filling up with text.  Hopefully I will not delete too many of my posts and will be able to create a conversation. Thank you for absorbing some of my angst.

If you are anything like me, you will be reading this with a mug of hot tea in hand.  But welcome to the coffee drinkers too.  Tea has accompanied me through many of life's occasions - the hiccoughs, the hellos (and goodbyes) and the hell-weeks.  An aside: I once confessed to a doctor that I drank 6 cups of tea a day, and he told me to give up or reduce immediately.  This was a turning point for me - I realized I had to find a new doctor....  What I have done in the interests of health, however, is to cut down on sugar.  From 3 spoons a cup (gasp, I know, but I was a skinny youth with no insight into tooth decay and sugar highs and lows...) to now having none. At a tearful airport goodbye, my sister-in-law,J, challenged us both to cut out sugar, and we clinked airport mugs and agreed to do this together. But, as we live on different continents, I sneaked a spoonful in every now and then.  I did let her know.  I am, generally, the honest sort. (OK - I do sometimes have more than 6 cups a day.)

But I gave it up completely two and a half years ago, when my daughter, then aged 11, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes (T1).  So that is what this blog is really about: being a mom to a beautiful, talented, sensitive teenager who lives with needles and glucose test and a backdrop of angst about hypos and hypers*

Having sugar in tea has nothing to do with diabetes type 1.  Nor does eating sweets, drinking fizzy drinks, a sweet dessert tooth or any other life style factor.  It is an auto-immune disease; the body attacks it's own pancreas and insulin production is halted.  This means that the body is unable to unlock the cell walls to allow glucose (energy) to reach the cells.  So there is a build up of sugar in the blood stream, and a lack of energy in the cells.

There is an important distinction between type 1 and type 2 diabetes, and not too many people get that, unless you have stumbled across these diseases in a personal way.  Type 1 people are insulin dependent, the onset is sudden and life threatening.  Type 2 has a slower progression and can usually be controlled with diet, healthy lifestyle and if necessary, some insulin.

But you probably know that.  In fact I am hoping to find people who know all sorts of things about diabetes and mothering and compassion and well....anyone really, who has time to join me on this journey.  So - if you have Time for T, let me know and we can chat.


*more on hypers and hypos another time...