In the Zone

When I am "In the Zone", I am energetic, comfortable, creative and functioning well.  At least, that is what it means to me.  Often that means music - anything from loud, upbeat, pounding stuff to gentle, melodic, soothing sounds - depending on what type of zone I am in-, a mug of tea in hand, a head full of ideas and something practical on the go.  My latest time-eater is making fused glass pendants.  I love the way the glass melts and the colours flow and collide. The glass sits in the microwave kiln for about 40 minutes after firing (no peeking allowed as it disrupts the process!) .  Anticipating the results means that opening the box is always a bit of an occasion. Sometimes the product is disappointing, sometimes the glass needs reworking, and sometimes I am astounded by the beauty of it.  The uncertainty is part of the pleasure.

For other people, being in the zone can be achieved by meditation or yoga or prayer.  I find it quite difficult to switch off my thoughts, so have to practise stillness and mindfulness.  Others, I am told find their zones in coding software, some in playing a musical instrument, some in baking....The list is endless as we are all different and need to find our optimum place to be environmentally, physically and emotionally.

For TD, being "In the Zone" has an additional meaning.  As a teenager with Type 1 diabetes, being in the zone means her glucose readings are range of 4.5 - 10.  Ideally, the range should be narrower - about 4 - 7, but teenagers have so much to contend with that the wider ranger is a more realistic goal.  And, believe you me, not one that is easily achieved.  TD's glucose numbers are often in the teens.

I know how frustrating it can be when I want to work on a project and realize I am just not in the right space.  Usually my best course of action is to leave whatever it is I wanted to do, and come back to it at another time.

TD doesn't have that luxury.  Her life has to go on whether she is in the optimal zone or not. Elevated sugar levels not only cause long term damage to eyes, kidneys, nerve endings to name a few, but also cause immediate detrimental effects like headaches, blurred vision, nausea, muddled thinking and muscle weakness. 

She has learnt to cope.  Obviously the goal is to keep the glucose numbers on the straight and narrow.  It's complicated though.  Not all carbs are created equal, and not only does TD have to determine how many carbs are in any given food stuff, but also how quickly or slowly those carbs are released into the blood stream.  She also has to factor in her emotional levels, her physical tiredness, what stresses she will be facing (because adrenalin releases sugar into her system,) what day of the week it is, and whether or not yellow is her favourite colour.  You get the picture.  Her relationship with glucose is, shall we say, Complicated.

Being in the zone is a wonderful place to be.  It's worth pursuing even when it seems quite a distant hope.  I don't expect to live permanently in a creative bubble of happiness, but when I am there, I can see beyond the mundane.  TD's zones are writing, music and drawing.  They are places of connection, both with oneself and with others.  That is why they are important and worth pursuing : connectivity makes us human.  Like other Superheroes, TD has extra powers in the time/space continuum zone - she may look like a usual human, but really her superhero strengths are courage, tenacity and kindness.

Some of the latest pendant attempts

Finding water

Water is a great restorer of balance. My rather whacky theory is that since we, as humans, are 60 per cent water in our body, the best remedy for relaxation is to float, listen and surround ourselves in that life sustaining  substance to balance the outer and inner environments.  So, being the mid year school break, TD and I went in search of the seaside. This is the second Mom/Daughter trip we have taken, and I regard these short breaks as a huge privilege, a time to relax and to catch up.  Above all else we just have fun.  Besides, Andrew had a business trip to Taiwan, and R is in the UK, so we wanted to explore a bit too. We didn't go far: Hermanus is about a two hour leisurely drive from home.

There was water aplenty!  Everyday we strolled down to the rocky water's edge and walked, or sat on  rocks, and talked and listened.  Mostly we sat and watched the waves roll in and listened to the power of the sea. It stills my thoughts.  TD loves the water as much as I do.   And her love of rocks is even greater.  She clambers over to cliff edges, hops from rock pool to rock pool, and I sit biting my tongue, wanting to yell, "Be careful! Not so far! Don't slip!"  She knows all that, and I need to trust her that she knows her abilities and limits.  She is ,after all, on the brink of adulthood.  More importantly, I don't want to project my fears onto her, and create an unnecessary caution.  When children are little and have not figured out what is safe and what is not, holding their hands while they explore is completely necessary. But TD knows what she is doing and is a competent adventurer. I felt a bit wistful watching my beautiful daughter contemplating life so far away, and also so proud that she was comfortable to do so, and that I am able to let her.

Our fears can be great teachers if we let them.  It shows our vulnerability, our hopes (what we fear losing), our coping mechanisms.  It is not always comfortable facing these fears, and like human teachers, some fears are approachable and we can befriend them, and others demand respect quite justifiably, and one should keep a distance.

I think fears surrounding T1 diabetes have

elements of both types of teachers.  While we were in Hermanus the food/insulin diary got a bit neglected.  This book has been completely in TD's control since January, and sitting on the rocks one day we chatted about whether it was still necessary.  TD suggested it has served its purpose and we can stop.  I think she is right, but some little niggle of fear creeps in that we may lose control if we have no record of insulin dosages and food and activities.  But, with the wisdom of youth, TD reminded me we can always start again if numbers go pear shaped.  That is a fear for me to befriend.

The fear I respect- and justifiably so- regarding diabetes, is its vicious unpredictability.  Testing every few hours is a non negotiable for me.  This is the other type of fear that keeps us safe.

Hermanus has many other excellent attractions apart from the sea.  We popped into art galleries, craft markets, coffee shops and some historical points of interest.  We indulged in Massages at the Serenity Spa. (A great idea if you are in the area!)  We had a walk and tea with a family friend who was mom's bridesmaid 60 years ago, and felt encircled with threads of history, creativity and compassion. We browsed the local bookshops and soaked up the musty, mindful atmosphere .We ate sandwiches. We bathed. We knitted.  We window shopped. We slept.  We laughed. We sang loudly.

This trip was not only time well spent,

 It also restored balance.

Of course we had tea

sunset contemplation