Feedback, as promised. And Mothers' Day stuff

It is early days - 17 to be precise - so this feedback about how well the Tresiba is working, will be short.  We all love the longer dosage period.  There have been some (but by no means all) wonderfully even night glucose numbers.  TD is still running high.  Overall, I am hopeful, although I should probably lower my expectations.  Tresiba is not a magic wand, and all the usual suspects - logic, vigilance, calmness - need to come to the party. I will report back when there is more data....

....but in the meantime, I have been sunk into the thought bubble of mothering. (Again.)  This time is has been prompted by Mothers' Day which we celebrated on Sunday.  It was the first time in many years that I didn't cook a thank you lunch for my own mother.  Being motherless loomed large.

My own family treated me with wondrous indulgence and kindness.  Most soul feeding was the card with words I treasure from my two children.  TD organised the whole thing, as her brother is (still) overseas.  I read it and glowed from the inside.

For lunch, Andrew had decided on a trip down memory lane.  In our youth, we enjoyed getting take outs from a Greek restaurant in Sea Point and would eat watching the sea and avoiding the loudly demanding seagulls. The restaurant, Ari Souvlaki, is still in the same place.  There are such nice people in this world.  The owner showed his freshly baked trays of puddings, and asked me which I would like for a mothers' day treat. They both looked delicious.  I chose the milk tart pastry but he scooped one of each type into a container and handed them to me with the kindest smile.  Such generosity almost overwhelmed me.

Because that is really what mothering is all about I think: Generosity and the giving of oneself.  Mothering is not confined to biology, and there are many people who have mothered me in some form or other.  Many who have played (even if they don't know it) pivotal, key, life nurturing roles that I have relied on when I have needed extra courage. I appreciate you, even if it seems I sometimes take you for granted.

Mothers, I think, should be taken for granted.  Children should just be able to assume that  Mother is their backdrop and safety net.  It doesn't need thanks or acknowledgement or come with expectations.  My children owe me nothing - and I owe them the best I can offer.  That is how parenting works.  And that is why when my children do write lovely things to me in a Mother's Day card, I bubble inside and feel that all is right with the universe.

Fuzzy lines

Ed Sheeran toured South Africa last month.  TD and friends, being star struck fans, had booked tickets last July to see him live in Cape Town.  She (and Andrew) enjoyed the evening very much.  I mention this only because we had double booked the date.  TD was meant to see her (still wonderful) endocrinologist on the same evening as the concert. Dr M agreed that it would be more difficult for Ed to change his dates to suit TD, so she graciously rescheduled the appointment.

I find some doctors intimidating.  But Dr M is gentle, kind, compassionate and an intuitive listener (as well as being an expert in her field).  Despite this, sometimes my heart feels a bit heavy as we troop into her office.  TD's glucose numbers, as you will have gathered from recent posts, have been on the high side. Visits to the endocrinologist are about every three months, and the Hb1c test (that measures the average glucose levels over a three month period) is used as a benchmark of sorts as to how well the diabetes has been handled in between visits.  At the end of 2018, before the CGM, it was 7.5 - significantly higher than the golden standard of 5.6 to 6.6.  This time it had crept up to 7.9. To be honest I thought it would be higher, but this is still damagingly high.  There is no judgement regarding this number.  I know that. And yet....   And yet I feel I should have done more to help TD with the diabetes control.  Of course, the number is a tool to see how the sugars are being handled and to work out systems to achieve and maintain better control.

Tresiba Insulin pen

Dr M suggested we change the type of long acting insulin.  Not all insulins are made equal, and continuing research is providing better formulations of insulin.  The one the endo suggested is called Tresiba, and it is meant to be the most effective for steadying the glucose line.  It sounded  just like what TD needs.  It is also more tolerant of fuzzy times - it is given only once every 24 hours, and if that stretches to 27 hours that is fine too.

You know what this means!  TD, Andrew and I sat wide eyed and open- mouthed thinking about the possibility of sleeping later than the usual 5.45 am that has been our pattern these past 4 years.  Think of weekends and holidays!  Think of a morning lie in!

Of course, the main reason for changing is that it should help to stabilize TD's glucose numbers.  The roller coaster Ups and Downs impact her everyday life in a way that most people cannot comprehend. Here's hoping Tresiba is a great leveler.

Fuzzy clouds.....because why not!!

I called this post fuzzy lines because another thing our visits to the doctor emphasize is that, although it is definitely TD 's diabetes and her need to handle it, we, as her parents are partners with her in her health and happiness.  So the lines become fuzzy.  Diabetes is part of all our lives.  We have always tried, and continue to try, to give TD as much independence as is safe and as much privacy as is possible.  The boundaries between children and parents are sometimes rather blurry - we want to hold them close and let them fly all at the same time.  Those blurry lines contain so many pixels of infinity, so many shadows of experience.  And the squiggly shape of those fuzzy lines is a complete circle of  love.

I will let you know how the new insulin works.....after my Saturday lie-in.