Back to school

I have to laugh.  I have just spent the last half hour trying to unlock our oven from its child SAFE mode.  I had accidentally locked it this morning when I cleaned a little more enthusiastically than usual, and wiped the display face with a flourish and hit, it seems, a clever combination of buttons that activated the Safe mode.  No problem - Google is my friend, and I simply typed it in to a search.  I have to assume the designers of these ovens either have sadistic streaks, or very clever children who have cracked all their previous attempts at safety locks.  I trawled the internet, even putting in the exact model (which comes in two versions it seems, both with different instructions.)  Any way , the long and short of it is, after I had stopped to drink a mug of tea, I finally managed to unlock it, and start reheating the leftovers which will be supper.

It was frustrating.  And I wouldn't tell even my best friend how long that took, and how many times I tried to guess the combinations of key presses before looking it up and how I had to laugh at my foolishness.

It came on top of a frustrating interaction with Walton's Stationers, suppliers of TD's stationery requirements for grade 11 (Grade 11 ! - how did that happen so fast!) We ordered and paid for the books last November, as requested, blissfully expecting to pick up the cardboard suitcase they are packed in at school last Tuesday.  Ah no, it was not to be.  They had received the payment, but not the list of items ordered.  No problem, mistakes happen, and I sent off a copy of the form to the email address supplied.  TD could fetch them the next day, and she would just delay the covering until the next afternoon.  No luck with that either.  I phoned, and was promised the parcel the next day.  It didn't arrive.  And so on.... I won't bore you with the daily dash of expectations.  Waltons promised today  1pm would be the real thing.  Sadly, the driver saw the school initial W, and decided to take it to the Waterfront instead.

I had to laugh. The person in charge offered to fetch it and deliver it herself, and because I was dashing about this afternoon, we decided to meet half way in a deserted parking area.  She apologised, and handed me not only the stationery box, but a little brown packet with the following label for me to give to TD:

"We're sorry for making you feel blue.  We're going to keep working on being sharper but, for now, here are some treats for you."

(The fact that they had a nifty little rhyming label shows that TD was certainly not the only person who had started the school year writing her notes on pieces of paper that will need to be rewritten into the books.)  The gift was a kind gesture - TD loves stationery, and a few gel pens or a rainbow eraser with the little brush on the other end that smells of bubblegum  (remember those?) would have delighted her.  But no, the treats inside were chocolates and a sucker. So it was an insulin heavy gift, which TD consumed on the way to orchestra rehearsal. She came home with a high glucose reading.

This year looks as though it may be as chaotic as last year.  TD has hit the first term running, and has very little down time this week.  On Friday, she and a large number of fellow musicians, go away on the school's  annual band camp.  This is one of the highlights of her year, and is much anticipated.  It was on this camp a couple of years ago that a discussion about Star Wars led to a friendship and romance with O, who feels like part of the family now.

I have started stocking up with some provisions to supplement camp food.  TD is confident and adept at the diabetes management.  She has many friends who know what to look out for in lows and highs.  All should be fine.

Should.

That shadow follows me everywhere. 

Mindfulness

TD's mid year exams are over!  As with any stressful period, the adrenalin was free flowing and the glucose numbers soared.  And if the exams were stressful, getting the results back  seemed to cause even greater anxiety.  I am inclined to take the long view about examinations - results are only useful in a context.  And that context is both the collective average of all participants and individual circumstances of each person.  TD was delighted with some results, and disappointed with others.  So, a good mix - some encouragement and some challenges. Considering that the symptoms of hyperglycemia are tiredness, poor concentration and blurred vision, and considering TD spent the entire exam period with elevated glucose levels, I think she did fine.  All the studying in the world is rendered less effective if you cannot concentrate. She worked hard, and I am proud of her.

There are a couple of weeks left before the end of term.  Classes have resumed as usual, with a few extras thrown in.  Today the grade 9s were spoken to by a survivor of the Holocaust and tomorrow the class will take the train into town to see the Holocaust museum.  It is a subject that has absorbed TD's attention and interest; so much so, that she forgot to inject her insulin for lunch.  She remembered to test, but - and she does not do this very often - she simply ate without injecting.  I am not sure if it was because her mind was waging war against the horrors of prejudice, or if she is so used to having diabetes that she just went with the flow of eating forgetting the crucial insulin, or if she has too much on the go.  It doesn't really matter - she just forgot.  Her number shot up so high that she had to sit out of sport after school.  And she is still running high.

Mindfulness - being present in the moment- is a necessary skill for anyone with diabetes.  There is a lot of self care that needs to happen.  TD needs to always be aware of what her body is telling her .  When she is low she has what she calls her "stomach feeling."  When she is low, she shakes.  Going high is more difficult for her to be mindful of, and so she has to practice the art of remembering.  She has to be extra mindful of what she eats and the effects of sport and extreme emotions.  Our pancreases do the job of balancing our sugars and insulin.  TD's pancreas no longer does that for her, and so she  needs her  thoughts and memory to compensate.  She is an excellent student of the Self.

Mindfulness is a necessary skill for all of us, and I think it is a life long project.  It is so easy to slip into yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's worries that often we miss the satisfaction of the present. (I love that the word is made up of two Latin words - "Satis" meaning "Enough" and "facere" meaning "to make.") And Enough is all anyone needs.

We are looking forward to the mid year school holidays - we anticipate huge adventures, a lot of laughter and many memory-making moments.  But more about that later....

In the meantime, I wish you all a Satisfactory Now!

Mindfulness on our favourite beach

A learning curve

TD's (Teenage Daughter's) school experiences have been interesting.  My newly diagnosed daughter, in grade 6 at the time, ran across the playground at home time, with her arms outstretched gliding like an aeroplane and whooping, "Mom, I am high, I'm high."  There were several skew glances in our direction, and after we had shared the news that it was her glucose levels that were high, and she had drunk a glass or two of water, we left the playground, ignoring the raised eyebrows.  People do stop and stare.  TD refuses to hide her diabetes and happily tests and injects (into her stomach) in public.  A cute little girl in a beginner grade at the school saw her doing this and bravely asked the big grade 6 what she was doing, and TD patiently and using age appropriate language, explained about her pancreas, her lunch bag and her needles.  TD keeps her testing kit, insulin pens, glucose sweets, emergency contact card and info sheet in a cooler bag.  It gets hot here in sunny South Africa, and insulin needs to be kept below 23 degrees C.  This bag is her constant companion, and her (and my) Linus blanket.

TD's grade 6 and 7 class teachers were incredibly kind, compassionate and sensitive.  Both managed to both keep an eye on TD and give her the space she needed to be independent and self confident in her diabetes management.  I spoke to the staff about diabetes generally and TD specifically, and felt a great deal of comfort knowing she was in a safe environment.  It is  not easy letting go of a newly diagnosed diabetic and trusting the universe in her safe keeping. Happily the instances where I was needed at school were few.  Exam times, and the stress associated with them, brought on roller-coasting glucose levels.  Once I was called to the pool for an unspecified problem.  (It took me about three hours to calm my heart rate after that phone call - and the problem was not big.  I have learnt to ask for specific details when phoned, and not just to react and jump in the car - a learning curve for me.)

The Phys Ed teacher also looked after TD with great care, making sure her glucose levels were in the right bands for exercise both before and after sport. I do not take these things for granted.  I am so grateful to the good people who have helped TD gain her confidence, manage her everyday issues and get on with life.  I think she reciprocated their attitude by teaching them about resilience, bravery and determination.