Learning to Idle

Many moons ago, before the TD era, I was involved with  teaching adults who had been denied an education because of the apartheid system, how to read.  It was immensely rewarding to meet these strong, determined people and share my love of reading and writing with them.  I might have taught them how to read, but they taught me so much more about life.   The slogan adopted by the forum I belonged to was "You're never too old to learn".  Learners ranged in age from 30- 85, each one inspired me with  their tenacity and determination.

It is never too late to learn, but as I age, I think it may become more difficult.  We may have to unlearn stuff first, or we may have to put aside the many distractions that "adulting" requires.  We may have to unsettle ourselves from a comfort zone, or gain some courage to find self confidence.

TD is hard at work as I write this, studying for her Grade 11 physics exam, paper 1, which she writes tomorrow.  She has tackled this work head on, and should be proud of her resilience and determination.  It has been a difficult academic year for most kids.

I like to think I am still open to learning, even if I haven't tackled big subjects - like learning Swedish or where to find the unmute button on a zoom chat(!).  Diabetes certainly provided (and keeps on giving...) our family with many learning opportunities. Some of it is obvious, like learning the basics of what the pancreas does, why insulin is needed to "unlock" the cell walls to allow glucose to be absorbed from the blood to the cells to give energy... Some of it is more subtle, like learning which are long acting, which are fast acting carbs, and some of it is learning how to read one's own body and how life and emotions affect us physiologically.

Although TD has had diabetes for 6 years now, we need to keep learning and adjusting so that she can live her best life.  I am learning to step back more into the shadows as TD leaps into adulthood. We will always be here for her, but she must have all the tools and confidence at her disposal to nag herself about checking her glucose level, and decide for herself if the extra treat is worth the toll it will take on her body.

 But enough about us.  Here is a new word for you to learn :  Aylyak.  There is a village in Bulgaria called Plovdiv that has adopted an aylvak life style, and has become famous for it. This was brought to my attention by Pam, a gentle house guest who stayed with us for a few days recently, and who shares my love of reading, writing, gardening and creativity.  She forwarded a BBC travel article she had read, and it fascinated me.

The word itself is not easily translated into English : happily idle seems to be the closest definition. We so often put a negative slant on being idle, but here it is venerated as a way to live your best life.  Slow down, don't get flustered, enjoy where you are, listen to the inner and outer worlds you inhabit.  Be happy.  It is, apparently, about finding time to just be, without expectation or judgement.  I so like that.

 

 

TD having a break from physics!

 

International travel is still a bit tricky, so going to Bulgaria might be a challenge.  But learning to live Aylvak style will work anywhere if we let it.  But we may have to unlearn many bad habits.  We may have to lose the cell phone, or at least not be ruled by it. Work may have to fit in into our schedule instead of the other way round.  We may have to accept who we are, warts, worry, diabetes and all.  We may have to relearn to listen to our thoughts more carefully, we may have to accept that sometimes doing nothing is a healthy activity in itself. 

Are you keen to journey with me to a virtual  Plovdiv? It's never too late to learn.....

Here is the link to the BBC article:  http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20201104-europes-city-of-dawdlers-and-loafers

The Blue Door

I have gone over to the Dark Side.  It has been a gradual journey, and began a few years ago.  First I painted the eaves, then TD's window frame (all the others are varnished wood!) and lately I decided to paint the sliding car gate and smaller side gate that allows access to the property.  I am not sure which experts decide on paint names, but this lot excelled themselves.  I rather like the name  that the Plascon panel chose.  The colour is a dark, sombre blue that darkens significantly when the paint dries.  I finished the second coat on the gate this past weekend and the result is pleasing.

It makes the house stand out a bit.  Painted wood was a complete no-no for me in my youth.  I was all for the natural beauty of the grain  speaking for itself, but as I have got older and more world wise, I embrace the paint.  It covers a multitude of sins, like dents and rotten bits, doesn't show the dirt so much and makes the wood last longer.  And it looks respectable.

 

Covering things up with an additional protective layer is a survival mechanism for most people.  It is neither appropriate nor comfortable to be a completely open book.  I guess we choose which bits of ourselves to show certain people and judge where it is safe to be vulnerable.  So although this blog gives snippets of my experiences - Mothering Diabetes and Living my Life- it is such a partial exposure.  I am writing this because if you have been reading this and feel I am not always hitting the mark, you may be right.  TD has her right to privacy too, and I need to respect that.

So although I protect us with layers of soul paint, the very fact that I do makes us stand out a bit.  That is the paradox of privacy.

It is school holidays and we are enjoying the much needed break.  For various reasons, TD's glucose numbers are looking better.  One of those reasons is TD taking a more thoughtful approach to diabetes.  And she doesn't compromise on the fun. In between the school holiday projects, she is seeing friends, enjoying the warm lie ins on cold mornings and being creative.  It is a good mix.

I mentioned to TD that this post was about the Dark Side, and she thought I should have at least one quote from Star Wars.  So Google and I chose this one, and I suggest, with a few modifications, it could be speaking to anyone with T1!


"There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you. Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.”

– The Empire Strikes Back.

There is no escape from diabetes relentlessness, but with our combined strength we can bring order.

Live long and prosper!  (Oops apparently that is Star Trek. My bad.😂😂 )

A Sharp Decline

We have just been to Hel and back.  There is only one way in – a treacherous, seemingly never-ending, winding road with dangerous corners and ledges that are too close for comfort, and there is only one way out – returning up that self same dangerous route.

We journeyed there for a few reasons.  The scenery was, apparently, breathtakingly beautiful and the destination promised to be an oasis of tranquillity.  We were lured with images of complete sanctity, and of a challenge to travel a road fuelled by adrenalin.

The road to De Hel is only 37 km long.  There is a sign post at the start informing travellers that the route will take over 2 hours to complete. 37 km – that seemed doable.  The road is a rough stone path with a river or two to cross.  We lurched from side to side, inching forward for what seemed forever.  Just as we hopefully crested another pass, hoping to see the river bed, more mountain ranges and winding roads snatched all hope that the journey would ever end.  It did of course, after many false hopes and some despair.

The final pass, called Eland’s Pass, was the most harrowing (and breathtaking) of all.  Sheer cliff faces with hairpin bends made for a rapid descent and a sharp decline.  At this point we were grateful not to meet any other vehicles – someone would have to give way, and there was no place to go.

We stayed in the valley overnight at a Cape Nature cottage.  It was a further 10 kilometres into the reserve, but the end was in sight.  A handful of cottages have been restored sympathetically to their 1800s construction.  It is hard to believe anyone would choose to live there (a couple of families still do).

Cape Nature had left a few books in the living area of the cottage.  One was the visitors’ book, which warned guests about the danger of baboons invading the house if they smell food.  Another was a coffee table type book that explored the Karoo region.  The page about De Hel said something like:- If you have the time to go to De Hel, rather use that time more wisely and go somewhere else!!!

The trek out of the valley was less daunting.  We left behind the cries of the baboons, the arguments the other family staying near us had in loud voices, and the desolate environment.  We were familiar with the route and could look forward to a village stayover that evening in a more comfortable place.

The whole adventure is a metaphor for me.  The road into dark places is uncomfortable and dangerous.  There is no warm welcome at the bottom, and the only way out is to travel back along the same track, clinging on to familiar markers and hope of gentler place to stay when we emerge.

The best, of course, is to take the guide book’s advice and use the time more wisely by going somewhere else, but that is not always possible.  Use the hiking rules if you find yourself embarking on this journey – never ever travel alone, always tell a friend where you are going, keep three points of contact with the ground at all times, and take some warm clothing. 

Winding road down into De Hel valley

I am glad I have seen De Hel.  We can tick it off the bucket list.  It was not kind to glucose numbers (which may have been elevated to start with because of a zip line adventure at the Cango Caves earlier that day…..).But we took some photos of the stunningly beautiful nature and have lived to tell the tale.

In the next blog I will tell you all the wonderful things we did on this road trip.  I just had to get this out of my system first.......!

Telling you how I am feeling

A few thoughts (not grand enough to be called Life Lessons!) I have learnt so far from Mothering Diabetes

1.                Never underestimate how well people can adapt to challenges  One minute TD couldn’t stand the sight of blood, and injections left her quaking in the corner.  The day after diagnosis, she learnt how to do all her own finger prick testing and to inject insulin into her stomach and legs several times a day.  We as parents learnt to cope with a range of fears and horrors that we would wish on no parent whatsoever.

2                  Going to  social occasions can be interesting.  People's reactions to TD"s pricking her finger and injecting insulin vary from the curious to the doubtful.  Kind friends have even offered to eat her chocolate, telling it was not good for her health.

3                   Give each other space to breathe and, at the same time, hold each one close. Trust is a way of life.  We need to be able to trust ourselves to be doing the best we can.  We trust TD to look after herself.  We trust the greater universe in TD’s safe keeping.

4                  You  will deal with challenges in a unique way.  Learn from others, but don't be scared to follow your own path. Everyone has different ways of dealing with difficult situations.  What works for one family dealing with a person with diabetes doesn’t necessarily work for another.  People react differently in crises, and that’s ok. 

5                Up until the teenage years, boundaries are more easily defined.  Children are often more compliant than teenagers, as is the usual path of life.  There's a fine line between independence for a teenager and responsible parenting. Independence is so important, but so is being safe. 

                 

6                Never sweat the small stuff.  Sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture and not worry about the occasional slip ups

7                  Going to sleep may become a challenge, but the quantity and quality of your sleep will determine how well you function in your waking hours.

8                 Let your body communicate with you, and listen!  Never underestimate the mind/ body connection.  We have the numbers to prove it. Stress, tiredness, excitement, apprehension all influence TD's glucose readings.

9                You can be spontaneous, as long as you plan it meticulously.  It's lovely just to get up and go, but remember to pack the insulin, the glucose meter, the emergency kit, extra carbs, a few needles and spare batteries....

 

10        Down  to earth is an excellent policy.  Being sensible with the diabetes management takes a lot of stress out of it all.  Be practical, avoid panics and stress, and the glucose graph will thank you.

So this is the part where I should tell how you how grateful I have been to have had the opportunity to learn these lessons through TD’s diabetes.  Absolutely not.  I am not and will never be grateful that TD has T1.  It is an appalling disease and I wish no-one had it. It didn’t happen “for a reason”  It isn’t "a gift”  It is not a “learning opportunity.” It is an illness.  Life lessons can be learnt in so many ways that don’t involve my daughter’s daily life and long term health. 

Sometimes the best life lesson is just to hang on to your sense of humour.   If you have read between the lines, and understand my quirkiness, please send me a smiley face!!