Gifts and gratitude

It's the day before Christmas, and all through the house are the sounds of preparations - butternut being chopped, presents being wrapped, letters being written.  We are an industrious family!  Tomorrow 26 of us will be gathered here in a chaotic celebration of togetherness. We are lucky this year to have the London relatives visiting (J of the sugar story in the introduction blog if you have been reading them all, her husband and sweetest seven year old girl who believes in the magic of Christmas, and our son, home for a bit from Cambridge.)  It will be loud.  It will be messy.  It will be indulgent.  And it will be a relief.  Three years ago, TD was in hospital on this day - still in ICU hooked up to drips, being monitored constantly by kindly nurses.  We were at the hospital all the time - there is a parents' rest room attached to the paediatric unit, where we made endless cups of tea, and went when we needed a moment to collect ourselves and muster courage.  Occasionally we popped home one at a time and somehow in that "pop" time I managed to do some Christmas food prep for the family gathering.

On Christmas Day, the doctors decided TD could attend the celebration for an hour.  So (for insurance purposes) she was discharged and then re-admitted to hospital on December 25.  I was terrified.  The dietician had given us a list of dos and don'ts, and TD was already injecting insulin herself, but the What Ifs loomed large in my head.  For me, it was a terrifying Christmas. Luckily I was too tired to do anything but put on a smile and cope.

So this Christmas will be a relief that we have all survived, and are stronger and more resilient.  Anniversaries can be tricky times for me - I get sad, my mind wanders off into places that can be gloomy.  My attempts at mindfulness (living in the moment) slip and slide down memory lane.  This is how I was feeling a few days ago on the anniversary of TD's diagnosis.  But, you will be pleased to know, TD handles this time with grace and serenity.

 The Christmas tree is twinkling in the corner of the lounge.  The presents beneath look enticingly intriguing. The smell of gingerbread stars and trees ( Gingerbread people presented too many gender issues for TD!) is wafting from the kitchen.  Gratitude is coursing through my veins.

Wishing you all a very happy Christmas.