In the digital age, this family still relies on a paper calendar. Each year, usually in October or November, I print out 13 A4 sheets of different coloured papers and create a write-on calendar for the following year. Each day gets a block, and the family knows - if an event is not filled in on this paper calendar, it isn't happening. (The 13th page is for January the following year - I like being prepared). I finally managed to motivate myself to do this task today, and I filled in all the recurring important days like birthdays and anniversaries, added the public holidays, and tentatively filled in the school terms in pencil.
I am not particularly hopeful that next year will be a smooth ride - certainly the end of this one has been a train crash, covid speaking. The numbers are alarming. (Statistics are theoretical and so removed from feelings; having a sibling in hospital on oxygen fighting to get his breath is a real game changer, emotionally speaking.)
It has been a year when not much has worked. The permanence and reality of life circumstances, including covid and diabetes, really got to to me a while ago. I think everyone gets end of year fatigue, and this year it is compounded with worry and loss. One startlingly good thing has happened to my family in the last week: R managed to get home for a holiday from the UK. It feels so good to all be together for a short while.
Something else that didn't work towards the end of this year were the Libre sensors that TD uses to read her glucose. Apparently a bad batch had been manufactured, and we got 4 of them. As a result (we think), the MiaoMiao alarm system we were hoping would allow us some extra hours of sleep, did not work either. Abbotts replaced the sensors - after a lot of questions from their call centre, including did the patient need hospitalization or go into a coma because of the failure. The MiaoMiao rep was kindly and concerned, but thought it must be a software problem. The upshot of this tech failure has been some high glucose numbers, some sleepless nights and a general mistrust of reliability of tech. Bad tech can be worse than no tech, in some cases.
Next year is round the corner. I feel I will be starting the year with an energy deficit created by the general upheaval of 2020. I have read the Facebook posts that say it is ok not to be ok, or that not everyone is cut out to make banana bread, and I find I am past platitudes. They lack honesty and simplify complex matters to the lowest common denominator.
I think I need to fill in some Breathing Space days on my new calendar. Covid, diabetes, tiredness are long term situations. with no end dates. They are situations that need to be managed.
I wish us all a better 2021.
An update on Tolstoy the tiny tortoise: The antibiotic drops prescribed by a kindly vet have worked wonders. Tolstoy can eat again and his eye is so much better - almost back to normal. He is able to wander around the Fynbos garden, and is living his Best Tortoise Life.
